when eating... not eating... purging... not purging.... did not consume your every waking moment...

I had to think... and.. well... it was when I was eleven years old... before the pedophile happenned into my life...

I was a "normal" weight.... but I would starve myself for days... then eat.. then starve... then eat..

I hoarded food... so that I would have food.. when there wasn't any in the house...

The only time I ate "healthy"... strict healthy.. even no cafenie.. was when I was pregnant...

so strange.. I loved my baby so very much... and.. I realized.. that I don't love myself... but I sure.. loved my baby enough.. to make sure.. I fed him....

I wish.. I could love me.. like I love my son... and fed me.. what it is I need to eat...