What you describe are the perfectly normal responses that people who have experienced the trauma you have go through. I am the same. Unfortunately millions of other girls, women, and even boys and men, experience the same things.
You have been hurt. You have experienced a major emotional trauma and injury. Your responses to it are natural, typical and understandable. They are exactly how we know people who have been traumatised in that way react.
And, they can be healed. You can be healed.

I experienced similar things to you. I responded similarly to you. My teens, 20s and 30s were spent feeling how you do. And then I sought help, and it helped.
You can have that for you too.

You were never a flawed human being. You have done the best you could do with the circumstances you have been dealt. The effects of sexual abuse on children, especially within the family, are absolutely devastating. What you are feeling, living, are these effects of trauma.
They are not you. You is what is trying to hard to live, yearning for a normal, natural life, in spite of them.
It can be done.