I agree - it isn't fair on me.

I am tired of questioning, I am tired of having to be on top of every behavior of his, and I am tired of the rolller coaster.

Yesterday, I woke up in a good mood. Then his one comment about enjoying seeing me get worked up over the remote sent me into a tailspin for the rest of the day. We had a tough day as a result. One single comment can accomplish this, and it can ruin my entire outlook and mood.

On top of that, all I'm left with are more questions with few answers. He gives me his explanations, which may sound plausible, but I don't fully believe his explanations because I feel they are dismissive of the insult or injury.

Like, he is able to explain away poor behavior by saying "I didn't mean it that way." Or, "I didn't mean it the way you're taking it".

So I get offended, he explains it away by telling me he didn't mean it, but the offense is still out there, and the injury or hurt is still there. And because I don't fully believe his explanations, I am left with questions. Did he truly mean it? Why did he even say something like that if he didn't really mean it?

Like, why tell me that he was only joking when he said he's enjoying seeing me get worked up over the TV remote, if he visibly saw that I for real was getting pissed off? If he noticed I was for real getting pissed off about it, which I was, then it seems he truly was gaining enjoyment out of it. Why later play it off as though we were only joking with each other, when clearly I wasn't joking around at all?

All I'm left with thinking is that he was truly gaining enjoyment out of it.