It comes down to I can't trust him and he is still abusive. It's a no win situation.

He is not changing and he hasn't changed enough for me to have any faith in him going forward.

Yesterday I said to him, "you act in both loving and unloving ways". His reply? "So do YOU!". BS. I have been NOTHING but loving towards him except for the time I lost it completely and called the police on him. That was one time out of nearly three years together. I spoke with my sister this morning who confirmed for me (because I had blacked out that night I was drunk) that he was in a rage again at me and that I was scared of him. This is why I called the police. This confirmation of what had happened that night also seals the deal for me. By him saying, "So do YOU", it's total deflection and sharing of the blame, when I am not to blame for being unloving towards him overall. He has been abusive overall.

And he is still abusive. He will not change and he cannot change without years of individual therapy. Even if I were to hang in there with him through all of that process, he has been dishonest on far too many occasions now and I just do not trust him. He is NOT a trustworthy person of integrity. Yet he defends his so called integrity to no end.

I am done. I am done with this relationship. I am done with trying and I and I done with putting up with less than what I deserve.

I pray I get this job offer. Now I need to start taking steps and planning, just as I was back in July.

My best girlfriend today suggested that when I tell him, that I simply just say "this isn't working for me anymore and I do not wish to be married anymore". To not place blame or bring up the abuse again, and to simply just say it doesn't work, and I wish you well. I tend to agree with this approach.