I have just realized that i have abandonment issues, every time a partner decides to leave me I feel like I am about to die. I get so much anxiety I can’t breath, so depressed I can’t manage daily things and I have no will to live or any interest in any thing, and I feel beyond worthless. I can’t focus on anything, and this lasts every time for a very long time, almost a year!
Now it just happened again, and this time it was just a short relation just 4 months.
I also realized that I have attachment issues, I get attached too fast too strongly, at the same time i am so insecure he doesn’t feel as strong or to show i am too interested, i keep my distance, which this time led to him leaving. As usual I pleaded for another chance and tried to explain my weaknesses and that I will be better, to no help of course.
I keep on going back in my head wishing I could go back in time, fix things, enjoy moments I will never have again, and my brain is now convinced that I will never meet someone as good.
I blame myself so much for mistakes I’ve done not showing how warm and interested I really was.
I already take anti depressants and anti anxiety pills, I talk to a psychologist, deep breathing and meditation. Doesn’t help.
When talking to my psychologist I realized pretty much my life consist of several abandonment traumas and insecurities.
I realize that I have no self esteem when it comes to relations, specially if I get dumped.
I had just got over some other family traumas and started feeling better, than this happened.
I feel I can’t get a break.
I am also panicking because I am approaching 40 and I want to have a family.
Anyone having any issues like these? Or know anyone having these issues?
Will I ever be able to not feel this way when left by a partner?
I can’t continue living like this!