I feel that way now. Why bother? I haven't been bothering for a month now. It's hard to believe not long ago, before the pandemic, I was on top of the world and full of goals and expectations.
It's depression telling you (and me) negative things like this---that nothing can get better. We can't be like other people.
You're not at your best right now, and it isn't your fault, either. It's like being sick and it's impossible to be doing as well as if we weren't sick. It's impossible to see things clearly when you're down. I hope you find the help that you need, soon.