Well what’s hard when it comes to a narcissist is how they formed patterns to self protect. Narcissism exists in everyone and everyone develops ways to self protect. Typically narcissists crave power and control. This is desired to protect that insecure child in them. To genuinely love and care about others it tends to make them feel uneasy more so than the average person. Much of what they do is self serving. This is how they get the reputation of being the bad guy.

They can end up in leadership roles because if in their effort to make gains for self benefits a business or others they stay the leader regardless of the fact that they are narcissists. They are often not without talents

It’s possible you may never care or love normally. It may be that all you may learn is damage control.