Hello Regularjoe: I'm sorry I don't think there is much in the way of advice I can offer with regard to this except, perhaps, to work through what you are experiencing with the help of a mental health therapist. (Perhaps other PC members will have advice they can offer.) However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So I thought I would at least welcome you to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of habit change plus links to 5 articles on the subject of finding your soulmate:

7 Steps to Changing a Bad Habit

Science Says This Is How to Break Any Bad Habit

The Golden Rule of Habit Change

8 Ways to Find Yourself Before Looking for Your Soulmate

Stop Looking for a SOULMATE and Start Looking for a LIFE PARTNER

https://psychcentral.com/lib/soulmat...ditional-love/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...-my-soul-mate/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-relationship/