People seem to assume that because I have been in more than one abusive relationship, that means I must be codependent and also trauma bonded.

(I am not talking about on PC).

What I see myself doing again and again is overlooking the red flags because I've wanted a relationship.

When I recognize that it's abuse, I do leave. Like in my current marriage. I almost left him in July. Then he tried to change, so I gave him a chance because he begged me to stay and give him a chance. Now the abuse is cycling back again, so I plan on leaving him.

I do not try to fix or change someone to the detriment of my own mental health, which is the definition of codependency.

I am not trauma bonded because I have been in therapy all of my life and I have come to peace. with my past abuse (for the most part).

However, I must have some sort of sign on my head that attracts abusers.

With my current husband, perhaps it's because he saw I was out alone a lot of the time, without friends around me. Maybe this made me more vulnerable to a predator and easy prey.

My last abusive ex found me on a mental health forum and started replying to my threads about abuse, pretending to be all sympathetic and supportive, when in fact, he turned out to be a raging narcissist and an abuser himself.

In the past, I may have been slightly codependent... slightly. Because I did try harder to change someone's poor behavior and teach them the concept of respect, while I continued to suffer. But I stopped doing that long ago.

My husband has proven to me that he cannot change. And I have no desire to go to couples counseling with him now. I don't see any chance for us at this point.

And trauma bond?

When it comes to my own life, I just think I have very poor judgement with choosing men. I don't pick up on the nuances of bad behaviors in the early stages. My dad was a narcissist and was also emotionally abusive and neglectful. It's probably my conditioning that makes me ignore or not even see red flags.

But it's annoying when people assume that because you've been abused, it means you must be codependent and trauma bonded. I am sick of people loosely slapping on psych terms when they themselves are not a therapist.