As a DIDer... do you ever feel like a diagnosis to your therapist?

I didn't... with this one... and then.. things changed.. and I do...

My first therapist.. was all about... the DX... it was the first time in therapy for me... I didn't know... what therapist do.. what they didn't do..... and it was 23 years ago before the internet.. before people talked openly about anything to do with therapy...

I was with this therapist for 10 years... and the therapautic relationship.. got worse.. and worse...during this time.. I was assessed by his request by other T's.. to insure that the DX was correct... I felt.. less than a person... a "nothing".... a "object"....

And.... yes... this is the T... that took my artwork.. and my writings.. and used them in his book... without my permission....because he didn't need my permission - he owned.. them since I submitted them to him.. while in treatment.. he personally owned them.. not the firm that he worked at - the firm..."owned".. the formal clinical notes.

When terminating with him.. he and I had a couple.. of sessions... where great anger was exchanged between us... he had copied.. my personal file... 10 years of his personal notes

plus he had my drawings, artwork, poems, writings... and he said to me... these belong to me.. and I will be keeping them in my office at home.. in my basement..in my filing cabinet..

BUT>>>> he reassured me.. he keeps.. the filing cabinet locked.. and hey who would want to read them anyway..

well... they sure as heck.. read his book...


The subject came up... when I asked.. for my personal stuff back.. and when my formal records would be destroyed - how long they would be kept...at his firm...

And.. so... somewhere... when this person passes... there will be a file... with my name... in a locked file cabinet... in a basement.. in this therapists home...

and.. there have been therapists in between my first therapist...this current one...

and.. I believe that I am in "mourning"... for being treated as a person.. because my T has started a few months ago... to treat me as a "DX".... not a person.. but as a "nothing"... this thing that needs to be integrated... not this person... that feels... and hurts... and has owies....

can't stand it.....