Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
You yourself definitely have high standards and expectations of yourself. But you don’t expect the same of others, especially of men but sometimes of your friends too or you’d not end up with these people. I think that’s what your mom meant. You need to set your expectations of other people as high as expectations of yourself and if they don’t meet the standards, you don’t spend time with them or get into relationships or marry. Even if you decide to never date, setting standards high might help in avoiding questionable friendships too. You are very nice and sometimes being so nice cause all these people enter your life.
You do drugs? Smoke weed every day? No thanks, not interested in dating you. You don’t have a place to live? Sorry, not interested. You want me to support you? Nope good bye, see you when you are on your feet. You drink too much? Not interested. You don’t have a job? Lose my phone number. You like to argue and raise your voice? Good bye. You lie? Good bye, not interested in dating you or being friends. You aren’t self sufficient? See you never. You insist on having sex, moving in etc etc too soon? Good bye.
Not saying you should become a meany but stick to deal breakers, set your deal breakers to match high standards and stick to it
Oh it’s fun to be single, I totally agree. I was single most of my adult life. Something to be said about freedom to do whatever and enjoy your life the way to see fit
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You're 100% correct. I have been very accepting of people in the world and in life, and that has allowed unsavory characters to enter.
I guess what I fear is that I'll be completely alone if I set my standards SO high, even in friendships.
I am most grateful for the good friends I DO have though. My closest friends are all quality people.
But yes, I've had low standards... it makes me very sad that I've thought so little of myself all these years where I felt I had to lower my standards to have someone love me.
I remember with my previous ex, after I had been hospitalized, I felt like no one healthy and "normal" per se would accept me or love me. So I guess I had those thoughts in my mind while choosing the next person to date, who turned out to be a malignant narcissist with severe mental health issues who abused me.
It's making me tear up right now.