Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
You're 100% correct. I have been very accepting of people in the world and in life, and that has allowed unsavory characters to enter.
I guess what I fear is that I'll be completely alone if I set my standards SO high, even in friendships.
I am most grateful for the good friends I DO have though. My closest friends are all quality people.
But yes, I've had low standards... it makes me very sad that I've thought so little of myself all these years where I felt I had to lower my standards to have someone love me.
I remember with my previous ex, after I had been hospitalized, I felt like no one healthy and "normal" per se would accept me or love me. So I guess I had those thoughts in my mind while choosing the next person to date, who turned out to be a malignant narcissist with severe mental health issues who abused me.
It's making me tear up right now.
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Well you have to reasonable. I am not saying you must only date Nobel Prize winners. But your standards have to match some common sense and age brackets. Like what was ok at 20, isn’t ok at 50. People don’t need to be perfect. But at the very least they shouldn’t be addicts and should be self-sufficient and posses good character. Not saying they need to be gorgeous or rich. Just regular people with regular values and healthy life style.
I have a friend who spent her whole life single (despite wanting a partner) because she could never meet the right person. Right person in her mind is thin and over 6ft tall and good looking. No amount of examples of nice people who are shorter or heavier or average looking would change her mind.
You have to feel attraction but it doesn’t need to be such rigid criteria! That’s I say is unrealistic and shallow expectation. Well in her case I think she has these unreasonable expectation as an excuse for not dating because deep inside she doesn’t want a partner. She isn’t a shallow person so why would she have such shallow expectation?