OpenEyes

I just love your responses! They are sooo well written and thoughtful. I love to hear your opinion. I have to say today I'm in a better head space. I can think a bit more clearly. Although I am still very angry and hurt, I'm trying to look at things from different angles. When we had the talk before he left, he did say he was not happy and "depressed" . Looking back at that, I realize how big of a deal it is that he used that word , depressed. He never talked like that in the past. I do think he is depressed, and that he needs help. I know in the past he's been insecure, but I thought he changed. The coach isnt younger, actually 2 years old, but he is the polar opposite of husband. They get along great usually. We have known this man for at least 6 years so this isn't a new relationship. He and I have always gotten each other because we are introverts who are married to extroverts. I can't remember if I said what
the coach once said at a party, where drinking was involved, that if we met at another time, we would probably be married. Outloud to everyone. I said no way we'd kill each other! At the time, I kinda blew it off, but looking back, that's probably around the time my husbands problems started to come into a little bit of focus.

I saw husband again yesterday. Went okay. Civil but awkward. The one thing that stood out was i was walking up the the field. Husband already there. I happened to run into coach on the way up . The look on husbands face when he saw us together was.... hard to describe. I think it might have been some anger, but it was gone so quick. my self esteem is practically non existent so when the comments are are made by coach, i don't see them as flirtatious. Maybe husband does.

I understand husband has issues, but right now i need to focus on my own sanity. Maybe after we have the talk, we can work on his too if he wants to and if i do too. i should not be seeing him until monday so we will see how it goes.

I'm already realizing some of my culpability in this along with my own issues with possible depression. I know things that I could have done differently. It just that right now I don't trust him and i don't know if I can get over .that. Lots more work for both of us I think.