Quote:
Originally Posted by NattyLumpkins
I'm in my 50's and saw a parents death and my trauma bonding has been about fixing that situation. So the right relationship has been on that has been unstable so that I could repair. So naturally, unstable relationships tend to be so because of reasons that are not good. Not always however.
The co-dependency thing for me and others is because we were invisible/powerless etc., and that ends up being what we're comfortable with and we are uncomfortable sometimes claiming and stepping in to our own power and responsibility so again, that's not good either.
That said, everyone's situation and history is unique and all the above may may look completely different.
Awareness and self knowledge are everything. I long ago learned to not discount the fact of how much I matter and to let go of the things that I cannot fix. Healthy boundaries are so important and can be a scary thing. Someone mentioned the idea of "if you love them enough". That is so toxic.
Just wanted to write a response because it helps me and a lot of my stuff is tied up with PTSD so it resurfaces all on it's own whenever. Peace.
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Thanks for your post.
I bolded here what I thought was very important to highlight. Each person's journey and experience is unique - this could not be more true.
It's great you have so much insight into your own history and background that provides explanations and context for you around your own patterns and relationships.
I agree that the concept of "If you love them enough, they will change" as being a toxic or unhealthy belief.
My issue is I have a broken "picker" and I haven't been able to be discerning enough in the beginning when choosing partners. I do have a strong voice within a relationship and I voice my opinions, feelings and thoughts, even when they are opposing my partner's, and I also outright state my preferences and needs.
I just choose the wrong partners. I need a better picker and a far pickier picker, IF I were to ever get involved again.
But when I am being stepped on, I do leave the situation.