I had a strange experience recently. I tried to sit down and write out the childhood experiences of sexual abuse that caused my current mental health problems. When I started, I immediately froze and found myself unable to write any of it down, despite having all the memories clear as day in my mind as if they happened yesterday.

This caused a bad spiral of black moods and general chaos in my interactions and general perception of things for the last week or two, maybe longer I'm not sure. I'm in therapy, but I have never been explicit with anyone about what happened to me including my therapist. Even though I know that what happened is not really my fault, the tremendous shame and embarrassment the memories cause me are seemingly insurmountable.

I've always felt sick at the thought of talking about being a "victim" or "survivor" with other people in person. Even seeing scenes in movies or reading about it in books makes me uncomfortable. I have developed a number of OCD symptoms/neuroses regarding privacy and propriety.

I'm desperate for any help with this, as I feel like I'm having a bit of a crisis in trying to get over these things in time for my first EMDR treatment in a few days.

Also want to make a quick apology to anyone on these forums I left hanging for a reply recently. It's been a difficult time. Should be posting more in coming days.

Thanks in advance for any answers.