I have been married to my current husband for 3 years, together for 4. He seemed like the perfect person in the beginning. Lots of promises, which turned out to be empty in the long run. Lots of sex, which also turned into non-existent.


In April of 2019, I came across a message from one of his former co-workers asking when I would be home and telling him that she wanted to see him. That night, I came home, and he told me that he was going to go "Door Dash" for a while...I said, NO, you're not! I know where you're going. The conversation had turned into him going to see her at her work, and I wasn't going to let that happen. He didn't go, we fought, and then the issues seemed to get pushed under some imaginary rug?


Well, of course this peaked some of the suspicions I had. So, yes, I'm not proud, but I snooped. And it was almost scary what I found. We shared a device where I could see all of his emails, browser history, and locations.


His emails went all the way back to before we were dating, while were dating and to current. While we were dating, he was trying to hook up with women all the time....and some men too? He has a profile on almost every hookup site imaginable, and the obvious ones too. He tells me he keeps the obvious ones to "see if there are people he knows on there". Yeah...ok. (eyeroll)


Now comes a doozy. Same month, April 2019, he finds us a house, and I fall in love with it. He convinces me that he has enough money to buy it because of the sale of his old house with his ex-wife. Lots of things fall through on the deal, and then all of a sudden, the day of closing, my husband has what he thinks is a heart attack. Which turned out to be a panic attack, because in all reality, there was no money (Not a dime!). This I didn't find out until recently, because I finally got up the guts to call his ex-wife and talk to her as we have always been very civil with each other.


We go through a few months, pretty uneventful except the constant browsing of sites, but no real action.


He starts to question where I am, and what I'm doing, and who I'm with. And I'm always EXACTLY, where, with and doing EXACTLY what I said I was. He even went so far as following me to places I told him I was going. Obviously, I thought this was strange, but didn't put much thought to it. If I don't answer my texts within minutes, he calls and questions where I'm at...well most of the time at WORK! And to this day he's still doing this.


Sometime in late January 2020, he gets a "wrong number" text. Somehow those messages transpired into a "relationship" where there were some very explicit text messages exchanged. (I'm the account holder, and I can see all texts). He even told her at some point he would leave me for her.


Now, we get into the "good" stuff. February 2020, I am scheduled to go on a work trip. He tells me, "you're just going to **** around on me aren't you!?!" Seriously!?! No! So, the trip comes, and I'm sitting in the plane on the runway ready to take off (still in my city) and I start to get weird notifications from his messages. He had dropped me off at the airport and contacted an ESCORT!!!! I sat on that plane in complete shock, and slowly pulled my wedding ring off my finger. Tears streaming down my face, trying not to let complete strangers see that my heart had literally exploded out of my chest. I felt sick. I tracked his location once I got to my destination and confirmed, yes, he was there, and it was for the time agreed upon. Again sick. Once I got home, I did confront him. At first, he denies it. I had contacted the Escort, and at first, she lied, but then I sent her screenshots and she fessed up. He tells me that it's my fault he did it, that he thought our relationship was in "trouble". So, you get an escort?! Who thinks like that?! I cave and let him stay. He promises to do nothing like it again. He's scared of what his family will think of him. Ok fine. I'll let it be... for now.


Now remember the "wrong number" text? He's still texting her. This is about March 2020, and now he's going to meet up with her for dinner one night. Well, her being a savy and cautious woman, he looks him up on Facebook....and what does she find? That's he's married...to ME! So, she sends me a message, including screen shots, and we set up a plan. I will be there in her place to once again confront him. Well, I show up, he's not wearing his ring. Says it's because he took a shower? He never takes it off. I say, so were you planning on having s*x with her? He says No! She's just a friend. I say to him, that's hard to believe considering the screen shots she sent me! He says this is just an extension of the Escort issue. He says it will stop. He texts her one last text....

And that very night, she replies. But just a hope it works for you sorta thing. Well it didn't end there. They were right back to where they left off. She apologized for outing him, and he agreed he deserved it, but still wanted to make it work with her.


I finally have enough and in August 2020, I tell him he has to tell her no more. He texts her, tells her I know, and gives her his work number, and says, let's still do lunch and stop by anytime. Wow.


Now we get to September 2020, and the month of our 3-year anniversary! It's on a weekday, so he decides to get us a hotel room on the weekend. Ok, maybe he is going to change. Yup, I was wrong again. The very next day, I found out he's been on the Ashley Madison affair site, and actually PAID for an account! And immediately starts messaging women. How dumb can I be?


This is my second marriage, the first one just ended up to be more like roommates, but my friends all tell me...Your "picker" is broken. And I'm starting to believe them.


I need to find the strength, not only for me, but for my daughter (11 - from my first marriage)