Tevelygo, what you're touching on here is something very important -- non-attachment... We can consciously evolve and progress to a state of being where we are no longer seeking acceptance/wholeness/completeness from 'externals' (individuals/relationships, material wealth/possessions, etc)... Where your sense of self (identity) is no longer reliant on the influence of others or on having to control/manipulate your external life circumstances and situation... This requires extensive inner-work, but it's absolutely achievable.

You know that familiar state of consciousness where your physical mind is constantly chattering about how certain individuals need to treat/view you a certain way, or how a certain set of external circumstances need to always be present in order for you to feel 'okay' inside. - in order for you to finally accept your 'self' and to be free of suffering. We live in a physical reality marked by constant change - and it's an impossible feat to exercise any control over how others choose to operate, and impossible to control the totality of our external circumstances (which are constantly subject to change)...

The less you (psychologically) attach yourself to externals - the more you will allow yourself to connect with the deeper/higher aspect of one's own nature that exists within all of us - and this is the path to finally securing total self-acceptance, completeness/wholeness, and peace of mind!

However I need to stress this... What I'm describing does not lead to a state of isolation or an experience of disconnection from others... It may seem that way early on, but that is not the final outcome or end result. As you consciously shed and transcend limiting ways of thinking and perceiving about yourself and others - you start to experience less and less barriers, less division and separation... And not just with other people, but with everything. Very hard to explain this with words but it is a state of awareness in which you are no longer identified with your physical form and with the temporary and conditioned aspects of your 'human identity'... You discover a 'sense of self' rooted in something much deeper, and transcendent... Not asking anyone to take my word for it - but to keep an open mind about this notion...


When a life experience is overwhelming and too difficult and challenging for us to consciously process, reconcile, and accept - it's like the mental/emotional reaction gets 'stuck' within us, and has no where to go (can't be released).... This is when it becomes an 'issue' for us and results in fears, sensitivities, and insecurities which can stay with us for a long time. Since the individual doesn't know how to work through (process) the challenging mental/emotional states that have surfaced - the instinctive reaction is to more or less push it away by trying to consciously avoid it or block it from our everyday state of consciousness... To push it into the subconscious mind, only to have it continue to affect us (subconsciously) and only to have it re-surface in a serious way later on in our life experiences... Sometimes you hear of individuals breaking down and allowing themselves to be vulnerable - and then an avalanche of previously suppressed/repressed emotional activity just pours out of them. Something they had been holding onto for a long time - because they previously could not consciously process it in a healthy/functional manner. And this is no knock on the individuals either - this is a natural part of the 'human experience'. What I'm describing above happens to everyone in some for or fashion - most evidently during our childhood/youth.

When we can and do consciously 'process' life's events and experiences in a healthy and functional manner - there is still emotional activity that surfaces, but it doesn't become 'stuck' inside of us and cause prolonged problems and conflicts. It's like it washes over us and passes through us. It doesn't get held onto and stored within us... This all ties back to one's state of awareness and conscious development ... The broader and more expansive our state of awareness, and the more refined our state of conscious development is - the more adept we become at being able to consciously process life's interactions and experiences in a healthy way... The less likely we are to accumulate 'emotional baggage' that would otherwise interfere wth our ability to experience contentment and peace of mind...