I totally sympathize with your desire for understanding and closure. I do see this as a symptom of your abuse, though, that your husband has acted covertly, and has made you extra sensitive to his needs and vigilant around him. I hope your therapy gets you on the path of self analysis and self-care so you can trust your judgement, and set boundaries that keep the users and abusers from getting to you. I know I attract them, cause I show interest, but I've learned the hard way to spot when someone's interest is superficial, and to back out. These people don't make it easy to back out, and even if you've only known them a short time, they'll look for a way to disempower you and reel you in. It's can be really disorientating if your not clued up to their strategies.
It's great that you have care and compassion, and being able to be vulnerable is actually a great strength. I get that it doesn't feel like that when it's been taken advantage of, but you've got a chance at experiencing real love and intimacy, that some people will never open themselves to. I know it's a horrible painful situation, and I hope you can give yourself some credit for facing up to the reality of it. That takes a lot of strength, and no matter how you go forward with this, just the fact that you're looking for the truth of the situation really is commendable I couldn't care less about your husband, and won't post on this thread again as I know I've gone way now !! But I really am rooting for you!!