My Support Forums - View Single Post - Large Age Gap and Narcissistic Tendencies

CANDC · Oct 30, 2020, 02:46 PM

Hi Dltf. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are already having arguments with a man you are in a relationship with.

I do not have advice for you, because only you know what you want in your life and what you are willing to put up with. You are only 23 so you could not only live through mother going into and through dementia, but you might possibly be there if he should suffer the same fate.

One thing that is an obvious challenge is he does not want to live separate from his mother. He seems openly critical of you "Whenever I disagree with her living with us, he says I don’t appreciate my family".

It sounds like there will be no space for just the two of you "On top of that, he wants to bring his mom on future vacations with me and even mentioned his ex invited her on their past trip together since they got along so well."

From what you say, you are third in line for his affections after the dog. "When I tried to test him and ask who he’d take to an isolated island, he said he’d take his mom and dog."

He himself tells you the reasons why his past relationships have failed and from what you say he has not changed "he’s said his past relationships failed because he refused to compromise on his standards and he found flaws with each women, claiming they weren’t appreciative and had “complexes”.

You say "he demands I should be in “awe” of him." I cannot diagnose anyone, but this all sounds too much like this How to Spot a Narcissist

If you see parallels in that situation, you may need the help of some of these articles.
11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist

6 Healthy Ways to Cope With A Narcissist

I can only say that every expectation I had of changing another person has not happened. In fact, in my case things got a lot worse when we were living under one roof. The demands and criticism were greater.

When I was 23 I was still trying to find out who I was. When I was 42 I was a lot more set in my ways.

Hope you find a path that you feel comfortable with now and in the future.
@CANDC