Also, when you do end up having the talk and it will be more than one talk. It's important that neither of your children, especially your oldest somehow thinks your challenge with your husband has anything to do with them. They "both" know something is wrong. My concern is for your oldest possibly thinking it has something to do with their choice. In that challenge there tends to be this drive to be and yet also wishing that drive was not there in "self" too. Also, for your younger one, the older child's choice may be stirring up his own insecurities too. Your youngest is at an age where there are still not many actual life skills and still many questions about navigating challenges, especially family challenges. Yet, also perhaps worried about what might happen if his piers were to find out.

You certainly have a lot to navigate through (((Julie))). It's ok to step back and even ask questions, we never JUST have all the answers.