Fuzzybear your not alone. I've seen a lot and from my perspective many if not most people who have an illness have been influenced and a part of them says life can't change, that it's semi-perminant. That is so BS!!!

The brain changes every day. And the medical world seems to think that even if the brain can change, that meds are a solution. Such a load of crap for those who have not be influenced by drugs. There are some out there who's brain changed during drug use. But mostly the stress, anxiety, and lack of emotional resilience, and trauma has been the cause, not chemical, in the pacific Northwest USA at least. I know that how I grew up, and my current situation with living withy parents has brought up a lot of crap, that includes thinking I'm the cause, where I feel broken.

Instead, today I see that my family is broken! My Dad is controlled by his computer, and my mom copes with reading to have something to connect to, because my dad gives us little to work with 90% of the time. I notice that I want change, but my parents don't. They keep me feeling stuck. And I resent them!!!

I've believed for a long time that every thing is my fault. And I don't know how that came to be.

My relationships have been harmed because I rely to heavily on the other person, believing that I don't have power. It has taken 15 years, no make that my whole life to take power back, and take responsibility for my actions. And it seems like my med provider doesn't understand about my situation.

In the last few weeks, I have seen changes in me that have been good, but I notice areas of concern because of past behavior. I'm sadden by what I have been taught. I wish more people had a better understanding of mental health. I know that my brain, if given the right nutrition, exercise, and sleep can heal from my years of medications. Yours can too!!!

I want to over others on PC hope that life can improve, but nothing changes until you do!!! Until I do!!!! We can only change is, no one else. We have the power, yet sometimes because of what we were taught, we give or yield our power to others.

Is that true for others? Do you give your power subconsciously to others without realizing you have done so?

In the last two weeks, I could have been hospitalized, but I kept pushing back on those annoying suicidal thoughts of worthlessness and despair and hurt and stress and tension that life brings my way. I decided I'm responsible! And I stayed out of the hospital!!!! Yes I do have an amazing psychologist who understands the brain and behavior and allows me to do the work. He helped me be ready to push past the discomfort that life was throwing at me, and helped me realize my power. And that's what I offer to you by sharing my life with you! I hope it helps. Your process may be different than mine, and I respect that. But hope exists, change can happen when we take responsibility for our actions that have led us to today. And take responsibility for future actions.

It's hard, I won't sugar coat it. Life takes work, sweat, and tears, but finding ways to thrive will help. Finding relationships that support our growth helps. (At least that's what I think)

My relationships are broken, but that changes when I change my view, from powerless to power. This didn't happen over night, it's taken years to get here. I'm blessed by being able share hope.