hello everyone and happy halloween!

we ended up getting 4 inches of snow yesterday. melting in the bright sun of today, but was still pretty on the trees this morning.

i had a good morning but am struggling a bit now. just trying to go through the motions as long as possible atm. i got lunch over with, so that's good. i have a zoom event later around 4:30, so i figure i'll let myself take a nap before that and just make sure i really get to the event. i don't have to stay if i don't want to, but i think i'll regret it if i just don't give it a try at all.

i spent the early part of the morning getting a few crystals and things that i want to put out under the blue moon tonight ready. they're resting in a bowl in the sunlight right now- might as well get both kinds of light radiating down on them now that they are all cleaned!

every day i have sparks of signs that things are getting better. they just haven't quite gotten there yet. and i can't keep going on about my feelings to ppl i know so much. containment is a skill i have yet to learn. i try, but i need to externalize things to process and understand them. and to feel ok. i can't just keep feelings and words all locked up in my body. it's terrible for me. but you can't go around talking about everything all the time either. it's a problem i feel i've been trying to sort out forever, with some success, but only a little and it's been very hard won. each aspect of learning to contain my emotions and thoughts and to try to work w them internally- even if through imaginary conversations with friends that just stay in my head- feels torturous for some time until i get through it and eventually it becomes a little easier/i become a little less reliant on others. it never really lasts tho. the ability to be more contained. i can just kind of force it for short periods, when i know it's time to give people around me a break.

i'd love to learn for real. this way kind of sucks. but it'll have to do for now. it's beautiful out here today, hope it's nice out for some of you too and that everyone has a little fun in their day!