Well we talked today. It wasn't good.

First we talked finances. He explained to me our situation. I for the most part believed him only because I have done my own research. We will be okay but it will take time.

Next we went personal. He told me to ask any questions. So I did. He has been flirting with women online for a while. A person that he went out with behind my back in high school reached out to him December 2019. They began sleeping together February, April, May, July and August. She lives about 9 hours away and grew up here. He was supposed to go on a "business trip" in February but Covid happened. I guess she came here instead. She came here all the other times except July when he finally went on his "business trip". I basically asked if wanted out. He said no. He needs more time to think.

Im heartbroken and ashamed. HOw could he do this to us? His kids? I did tell him a couple of thing the kids said about him being selfish and he agreed. He's just no the man I married. I was hoping me would mayne have a chance to reconcile, but I don't feel like thats a possibility now. I cant ever trust him again. He said I'm his best friend , and that he has no friends. Then he kinda blamed me for his lack of friends. He doesn't seem to understand this is blowing up our entire family. When my kids find out, and they will because they are not babies, his relationships with them may not recover for a long time. He doesn't seem to care. He's trying to treat them as friends not his children and trying to buy their love.

I have my first appointment with a therapist this wednesday. Hes happy Im going but said flat out he doesn't need one or want one. He's happy now that he does nt have to come home every day. Said that was killing him. He just had no regards for my feelings t all.

The only flashed of something that came close to anything but better than all this came at a really weird section. He asked who all I told about all this. He claims to have told noone, not even parents. I said mom, friend, and friend/ hockey coach because he guessed and wouldn't let it go. He asked if coach hated him now.. I said I don't know. Husband said he just didn't want to be blindsided!!!. What the hell? And husband asked if coach and I were still talking. I said here and there which is truer, but it not his business I think. I think he's afraid these people will think less of him now. Oh well!

Any advice or kind would be appreciated . I'm sure Ill think of more stuff later as my memory is fuzzy.