((((Julie)))), I am so sorry your talk ended up revealing some terrible truths like that. You did such a good job at remaining calm as you were hearing things that were so hard to hear. Honestly, if I had to hear what you heard, I would definitely not want to even try working on a relationship. Sometimes a person can show you a side of themselves that is a shocker. I would say this is one of those times that you are experiencing just that. And he is low and very selfish in sharing he is worried what others will think of him if you share what he has done? Huh, it's all about HIS own ego Julie, that's so selfish.

In learning about you so far, I see a very caring person and good mother. When someone is genuinely caring like that, facing this kind of challenge is especially hard. This is nothing you would ever do yourself, so facing this can blindside. Your husband is a coward Julie, that's what his conversation and even his behaviors have been slowly revealing. Your husband isn't capable of sitting in the trenches as a partner facing different life challenges. Instead he runs away, yet he doesn't want other people to see that about him.

You mentioned you were not happy either, well, if you think about it more it's most likely you felt alone in the trenches and while you were present for your children, your husband wasn't. Your husband did whatever was necessary for "appearance" sake, but he isn't capable of actually engaging in a meaningful way. And if you think about it, your children have both shown you their own disappointment when it comes to how they experience their father. Your husband mentioned that you were his best friend, but he clearly was not "yours".

You are the kind of person that cares and pays attention to your children's needs. You are thoughtful and loyal, but that's not the kind of person your husband is. For someone like you Julie, this kind of betrayl is extremely offensive. Yet, your husband NEVER had the kind of loyalty you have, and that's what you heard from him last night. I myself have been experiencing that kind of challenge and what I have been going through has been heart wrenching. My challenge has been with my older sister who has shown a side of herself to me that is so cold and cruel and mean, really mean to the point where her actions have traumatized me. I cared and loved someone that really never existed.

Sometimes a person can be jealous because they can't care and connect like you can Julie, they simply do not have that kind of depth to them. Your husband was not able to form a genuine connection with his children, and this tends to show up the most when children are in their teen years and are becoming their own identity.

You were willing to consider working on your relationship with your husband, willing to consider whatever you may have failed to do for him. HE can't do that, and that is what he laid out for you yesterday. Truth is, he had already thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Huh, is needs time to think, but not to think about you or even his children. He is looking to find a way to bail completely, except he worries about his reputation. So basically, "its all about himself" in this picture. Yes, he is basically abandoning his family except he is worried about his reputation.

It's going to be a challenge working through all the emotions you are going to experience. Yet, remember that emotions do tell us there is a problem that we need to solve. As you work through this challenge, your two children will be struggling as well. They both will need help to understand that what is happening is NOT their fault too. It's not a person's fault when someone is a coward and runs. And sometimes, we learn this in our own family too. In life people will let us down, sometime in big ways, but that's not our fault but more due to that other person's inability to care and step up to life challenges that require them to have more depth and courage then they have. We cannot base our self worth on someone like that. Some people are not "team" players.

So, now you have the hard facts and you will need to figure out how to move forward. Remember Julie, no one JUST knows. However, your husband does have responsiblities and whether he likes it or not he has to honor those responsiblities. He doesn't just get a free pass and get to fly away. This is where you will need a lawyer to help you. You have been a dependent and in most cases the husband has to pay alimony and child support. You have to have a home for your children and he will have to continue to support that. At least until your children are both adults. A lawyer will guide you through your rights.

Also, you let your husband make many choices while you raised your children and kept your home. Well, this is a time where you will need to step up and make choices of your own. Your husband had an affair behind your back for several months, don't let him make the decision about your relationship, it's clear he already has and doesn't respect you.