Peanut, you are absolutely right... and I will tell you that I do get these adrenaline rushes where I feel that I can conquer the world. Just got another one after reading your post!!! Trouble is maintaining that momentum. And, you are right, if I get stronger and move on.... maybe, just maybe I can dmemonstrate to her that I am for real and that I love her, and that I would be good for her. But I am so afraid that I have lost her forever as she assumes things about me that are rediculous. Sigh....

I used to be afraid to run into her knowing what she thinks about me. But now I realize that is crazy. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed about. Sure, I am depressed but I am doing everything I can to work through that...finally, and I will. I don't care if it takes a month, a year.... 5 years for that matter. Because I know deep down in my heart that we are wonderful together. When we were "clicking" it was beautiful and even she can not deny that. That is something you can not "fake" it is a thing of beauty. I just think she does that to protect herself, or to convince herself that I am not what she wants or needs. But, I think she knows that I am... I mean really deep down, she knows that I am.

So, I will be strong. I will gently let her know that I am still interested in her life. I am going to get better. Keep busy. And just hope that one day she will come back to me. I WILL not give up on us. I will not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to focus on what needs to be done, which may mean I will be posting less. But, I will come on at least once a day to let you know how I am doing.