Forgive me if I'm remembering incorrectly, but haven't hormones been part of your process? They can really affect ones state of mind. I think back to being pregnant, and even just the fluctuation of levels of various hormones was quite a ride. I'd cry (not sad, just emotionally overwhelmed) at flipping anything, which I normally would not do. It is a different situation of course, but I still remember how surprising that factor was.