I had a 1.5 hour panic attack. I think it's cuz I was procrastinating reading. I went onto discord and they were arguing about God. An Alan Watts meditation confirmed that we are all God (Everything is happening to us) and the opposite (We are the happening).

I developed depersonalization (Probably because of the two coffees I had, waking up early to take 15mg Dexedrine spansule). I then took another in the after noon when I'm supposed to take the whole two in the morning. I then took the 5mg tablet so it would last longer and I could be more productive.

But I'm getting nothing done - Just procratinating. No one was in the house so I started to freak out about when they'll be back.







I told my mom that it's bad OCD and she said that this would drive anyone crazy and it has for me.. I tried to feed my cat but had to open an new cat food bag so I needed scissors and I had thoughts saying "You're going to kill someone with the scissors".

My OCD is getting so bad now this past year. It borderlines psychosis and dissociative identity disorder.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. My ADHD feeling out interests and hobbies made everything worse - Like I'm so uncertain about everything. I know I'm not a pedo but the great wise trixie said that God is those things.

I just wanted to ****ing read and not deal with all of this ********.

I was on a chat on discord and they were talking about god and many people think that he's gay. Why? Like a certain awareness of certain defining things makes people closer to god. Mind you I was an atheist before my bad trip (Which happened right after I was severely disturbingly sexually harassed) and then I became a pantheist.

So I just need to use my logical mind but I don't care about this because it takes time to solve as if it's a psychosis.