Quote:
Originally Posted by KBMK
I don't know if it'll help, but when I left my ex I made minimal communications with his family, and friends that were not my friends before the relationship. It was my choice not to share what had happened, and one I questioned a lot. I am in touch with someone now, who became a very close mutual friend, who my ex rejected some time after our relationship ended. This friend always encouraged a healthy relationship and I know he questioned my ex for the reasons for the breakup. We still haven't got into talking about the details of my ex's behaviour, but he is very angry about the way he was treated and knows that I was very angry about the way I was treated too. I would just suggest to take your own time, do what feels right to you, and don't assume that he has anyone totally convinced of anything. It's quite likely that a lot of people suspect he isn't treating you well, but they wouldn't necessarily have the courage to confront their suspicions. Confronting the facts in the way you're doing, takes a lot of courage and determination  |
Thank you!
He blames his ex wife for everything that happened in his first marriage. He calls her the "dragon lady", accusing HER of abuse, and only tells nightmare stories that of course portray her as unstable and abusive and him as being perfect.
This is exactly why I want to avoid blaming him and avoid mentioning his abuse towards me when I do end it. I don't want him slandering me to any of our mutual friends. If I do accuse him and blame him, I am 100% convinced he will treat me just as he did his ex wife and that he will go on a smear campaign. He is shameless.
That's why my plan involves no accusations and no blaming or finger pointing. I simply want to tell him that the relationship and marriage do not work for me anymore, that the relationship has run its course from my perspective, that my feelings for him have changed, and that I'd like as amicable a breakup and divorce as possible. This way, it diffuses the situation entirely. And one cannot argue with any of that... not really.
I don't know if his friends suspect anything. They all just seriously adore him and embrace him. I've heard over and over from each of them, "I just love Kenny" and "this man is just SO awesome!"
He hides his true self from all of them. And that's the scary part to me.