I went through a similar situation. I know exactly how you feel. It sounds like you are doing all of the important things, but I can't stress enough how important total "no contact" is at this time.

If there are shared contacts, you need to eliminate them. Part of your boundaries should include this as a requirement. If there is anyone, including family members who choose to continue a relationship with him, then he can still control you.

I understand your desire to "feel heard", and I'm sure there are plenty of things you'd like to say, but don't. Any connection to him or contact with him places you back into the drama. If he is withdrawing, it is because he may have found someone else to focus his attention (and abuse) on. Use this to your advantage, because it makes "no contact" easier.

Train yourself "not to look". Eliminate social media from your life. Don't go to the places where you may run into him. Move far away if you can.

Self-care is really important right now. Reach out and try to connect with people from your deep past, the life you had before he was part of it. Get involved in activities that you used to enjoy. Try to reconnect with "you", because you are probably noticing that you haven't been "you" for a very long time. Instead, you were his version of "you". As you reconnect with yourself, you will rediscover how to be happy. You were alone before you met him, and you were probably pretty happy to be alone. You had dreams about the future that didn't include him in it, what were those dreams?

This can be a very exciting process, and self-rediscovery doesn't have to be lonely. Sign up for a course. Learn a new language. Do some YouTube yoga with your kids. Build some lego together! Redecorate! I painted my bathroom purple, because I never could use "girly" colours before. Do all the things that you can do now that you couldn't before.

Remember, this is a process, and it isn't a race. Every day forward is a step towards happiness, and it will come