I got up early,tidied my bedroom,had breakfast,porridge and apple,tea and took meds,had a shower and got dressed.Brought stuff downstairs that I am taking to the charity shop later.I am anxious about taking stuff to charity shop,feeling that they may judge me on the stuff I give them,its stupid I know,they probably won't care and probably be thankful for the stuff to sell for their charity.

I have been feeling really depressed and I am today again very low in mood.I don't know how to lift my moods,the weather doesn't help.I get so lonely,I miss my mum,I am not able to see her cos of corona virus,she's in a care home,only one person per family is allowed to visit once a week,my sister is doing the visiting,I am not allowed to.

Lockdown starts on thursday.Gonna keep busy doing ironing and housework and trying to lose weight and exercise.

But I am quite severely depressed,I guess I am coping though I am struggling to do that,I wish I had something or someone to depend on to help my mood and make me feel secure.

I feel like that 5 year old walking to and from school alone crossing busy roads and saying to myself,my mother hates me if she didn't hate me she wouldn't make me walk to school alone and come back alone to an empty house!I started saying my mother hates me aged five and I have been saying it in my head,it forms part of my automatic thoughts throughout my life.I still say it and I'm 56 and my mum is 90 and in a care home.

I am actually scared of going to the charity shop to take the stuff but I know I will feel good once I have done the trip so breathe deeply in and out and ring a taxi and do it.The charity shop opens in an hour so will go then!