First provider I ever saw:
“You wouldn’t know if [lamictal] was working or not.”
(after my dad told him that I, a teenager at the time, was hyper and got angry and sad) “sounds like bipolar.”
“People don’t hear voices, they have intrusive thoughts.”

Nothing got my blood boiling as much as when my last pdoc told me to calm down/stop moving when I was manic... yeah, had some choice words for her.