I'm falling apart here. T called me earlier because he was concerned in regards to an email I sent him at 5 AM (couldn't sleep). I ended up crying and yelling at him. I told him, "I'M SORRY THAT I SO STAGNANT AND I JUST KEEP REGRESSING." He said, "I know if feels as though you cannot climb steadily--" and I interrupted him by saying, "No-- it doesn't feel that way, it is that way." He said, "Well, I'm not getting into a debate with you over the phone." (Meaning we would engage in the debate in person tomorrow). Then he continued to make a case for me going into the hospital and how he spoke to my pdoc and they would help me to make sure I got in wherever I need to. Then I started yelling at him again, telling him that it was too late and I can't just stop my %#@&#! life and run to the hospital when I'm going to be starting a new job on the 12th and need to meet with human resources on Monday. That's when T raised his voice a bit and said, "Yes, you can do that if you need to go."

Then Mr. WonderT of course told me that I could call him or email him anytime today, even though I'll be seeing him tomorrow. So I already did call him because I realized that I ran out of %#@&#! money, almost completely. I went on a spending spree on the day before I was supposed to go to the hospital just because I didn't care.

What a mess.