Your partner is constantly trying to create his own reality because he wants the control and the power. He even gaslights himself. Mothering him gives him the control and attention. Drama, drama, drama is about control and gaining an audience and control too. Stomping around in a rage is also about needing control. Needing to blame others whom one feels as a threat in someway is also about a need for power and control, poor me that person is XYZ which typically happens when one doesn't get their way or ideal or doesn't care to see their part in the problem.

I think you are trying your best to minimize this ongoing challenge until you can get to a point where you can break free.

Often when some people see the red flags they tend to distance by letting the other person think they have the power and talent or whatever to reduce toxic blow back.

It's very hard to do that once in a relationship that has challenges where one can't do that and has to manage the toxic instead. It's also extra hard when children are involved too.