You have been popping up in my head during the day, usually its just at night. Now in my head during the day. I guess I am wondering how things are for you. Sure your doing fine. Just fine not thinking about me or our situation. Today, I had the thought of actually taking a look into a new therapist. And yet I know i could not really do it. Feels like I would be betraying you. One feeling of betrayal does not deserve another, and its not even real. gosh I hate this. How do I be honest about how things have been going. I feel like crap for taking my son's car and will pobably give in to giving it back. No Money No Job he will eventually have not Gas so its all good right? My other son, hasnt missed a homework assignment yet. so good, but at a doc office he had to fill out symptoms sheet and it asked him about depression in which he checked it. I had no idea. Asked about it in the car and he said a few things, advised him to reach out to his therapist if he needed. So that is what is going on. And I still feel like crap want to drink or if i could do what i fantasize about which is, if not kids here I would be come a total mute. i want to isolate deep inside and cant with kids. Never thought of this before is it BPD ? Havent had that surface for years. Again it all comes and goes and by the time i hit send it will all be gone...

In reference to "And in my imagination you said, "What is normal?" and "Nothing is normal right now," and also in my imagination I vividly pictured going back up the stairs and climbing into bed and pulling the covers over my head. from another post ...
my T would ask that what is different now vs before the pandemic? Nothing I would say except that I cant see you in person, but she didnt really say much except what is Normal ? my answer is I dont know just not this.