I don't think you are stupid at all! It is really hard to leave an abusive relationship, and some people will stay in the very same relationship, repeating the same patterns all their life. It's really hard to change roles, and it is not your fault you've been used for validation, and haven't been heard and validated yourself. It's bound to be really upsetting to realise you have been lied to, and what you're doing is really proactive. I think you have been proactive! Just with other people in mind, rather than advocating for yourself. It isn't your fault that you haven't been encouraged to assert yourself and protect yourself from people that take advantage!