“1. You neglect other relationships because of a preoccupation or compulsion to be in the relationship.
2. Your happiness or contentment relies on your relationship.
3. Your self-esteem is contingent upon this relationship.
4. When there’s a conflict or disagreement in your relationship, you feel extreme anxiety or fear or a compulsion to fix the problem.
5. When you’re not around this person or can’t talk to them, “a feeling of loneliness pervades [your] psyche. Without that connection, the loneliness will increase to the point of creating irrational desires to reconnect.”
6. There’s a “symbiotic emotional connection.” If they’re angry, anxious or depressed, you’re also angry, anxious or depressed. “You absorb those feelings and are drawn to remediate them.”

^Good article. These are the bullet points from it.

BPD and enmeshed relationships are two separate things; one a disorder and one a dysfunction.

My main issue is within my marriage, we’ve got #2,3,and 4 going on. We don’t have #1,5, and 6. It’s not all me doing the unhealthy part in these things, it’s him too.

Someone with BPD might feel like #5, as that insecurity about being away from the other person is one of the traits.