Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
“1. You neglect other relationships because of a preoccupation or compulsion to be in the relationship.
2. Your happiness or contentment relies on your relationship.
3. Your self-esteem is contingent upon this relationship.
4. When there’s a conflict or disagreement in your relationship, you feel extreme anxiety or fear or a compulsion to fix the problem.
5. When you’re not around this person or can’t talk to them, “a feeling of loneliness pervades [your] psyche. Without that connection, the loneliness will increase to the point of creating irrational desires to reconnect.”
6. There’s a “symbiotic emotional connection.” If they’re angry, anxious or depressed, you’re also angry, anxious or depressed. “You absorb those feelings and are drawn to remediate them.”.
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I see #s 1, 2, 3, and 5 in my partner.
When we first started hanging out we spent A LOT of time together because I had just walked away from a marriage and my family. My son was also going through a tough teenage phase. My partner was my escape and I was very clear about that. I was not at all interested in a relationship.
If I opted to spend my day doing something without him, he'd text me throughout the day. If I didn't respond, he'd call me. If I didn't pick up, he'd leave a voicemail sounding all "concerned" about me.. wanting to know if I was ok and to let him know, asap. The next day, he'd give me the cold shoulder and sulk because he had "nothing to do" the day before.. and his friends were "busy".. and I was "ignoring" him.. even though I had responded to some of his texts.
I remember his friends telling him they didn't like how preoccupied he was with texting me when he was spending time with them. They found it inconsiderate.
I remember talking with him about feeling smothered to the point he went and saw a therapist, in fear I was going to leave him (which I should have). His therapist told him he needed to respect my boundaries or I'd end up pushing him away.. so he backed off a bit.
I'm drawn to codependents who smother me. In the early dating stages, if I'm not with them, we're talking on the phone for multiple hours or texting. All 3 relationships I got to a point I was just not interested in spending time with them but wanted to be polite. I liked them all but it was too much.