- thats how I am feeling today, peeps.

I think I know part of what it is. I did a lot (for me) of posts yesterday and I was my ok self then. I get this feeling afterwards like remorse, I shouldn't offer my opinion, who do I think I am ? on and on......

I send my posts with good wishes but a part of me feels so bad about the unknown aspect - what do they really think of me ? what is the general opinion on this 'poppet' person - am I just an insignificant moth bashing away at a light bulb ?

I hate this feeling cos when I am ok I can see it clearer but today and last night I can't. Its like I am being punished for daring to actually think that I could offer you anything at all.

I had a dream about being excluded last night - it hooks into my fears of that. Also, I saw a post the other day where a person said they felt there were cliques on the forums. I have not felt that, but that post put thoughts in my mind and stirred up that fear.

OMG, what if they are all buddies who do PMs to each other and are saying stuff about me behind my back, what if its really obvious I am not wanted and I can't see it ? Paranoia is getting to me. I am so sorry.

I have had these fears since childhood so please don't take offence, I know that on forums things need to be taken on trust but I am just thrown by it all and feel odd today. You are good ppl . Its just me..........

Its like I dare to be me and then I get punished (or, I punish myself). I love posting here, etc but it seems so overwhelming at times. And so different from everyday life - we talk and share our pain, but the human contact bit is different. There are so many of us. And at some level do we know each other ? In 3D I like to get to know ppl slowly one at a time. But here there seems like there are so many ppl to know that it is often too overwhelming for me.

I feel that I am entering 'waffle' mode so I need to go now - all I can say is please do not be offended by anything I say, nothing is meant to be horrible, ppl here have been so kind to me and I feel bad about being so paranoid. But I know I need to get it off my chest to you.

Sorry, sorry, sorry...................Poppet