Been on my mind a hell of a lot more recently, i am wondeirng why. I cant sleep. I think of what I will say at session and wonder how it will go. And I think of ending it still And more so lately, I have a thought that this is all fake. That what i have felt since our last session til even this very moment is all fake. The worst of it all is fake. That even the thought that I feel paranoid is fake. My thought is that I am paranoid regarding my kids and yet know its fake. Its not but all fake. Emptiness numb and super fake.
i will even fake session come Nov 12. put on a nice fake mood and tell you all the fake stuff going on. How my son's fake job search is going, how my other son's fake homework is going, how fake my dad's covid pneumonia is, and how damn fake I feel and about our fake therapy.