I'm surrounded by death. My friends papa (also my papa too) has passed. A roommate cousin is in ICU for overdosing on my whole bottle of lamictal and my other roommates meds too yesterday morning at our house.. Not long before that I found out my dads sister died in a car crash. I knew the grim reaper I saw was real. People say I need a way to focus on living and not so much of dying. No matter how bad I want to self harm and people saying it's not worth it... a big chunk of me wants to do so.