Dear MsLady,
That sounds like such an incredibly stressful and distressing situation. I wish I had some advice to offer, but sadly I simply lack the knowledge, experience and insight. Since this site has so many members, I truly hope that helpful advice will come your way. The whole situation you describe sounds so heartbreaking but I feel powerless to help. So very, very sorry. I sure hope that things work out!
Sincerely yours, Yao Wen