I see you as a very loyal, responsible, principaled man who has always been a good provider. You have not failed, you did not do anything wrong ShockedAndAwed. What I am hearing from you is you are shocked and broken hearted and yet you still care and want to be that loyal good man and provide. There is something missing for your wife that you cannot fix, only she can fix and part of that is her desire for independence. There is a world of women she has been affected by throughout her years that are very independent women. This is something she never did for herself or got to feel. She doesn't want to be a caretaker anymore, while you are still working and independent, what does she have now? Something is missing for her and she doesn't know how to explain it or quite put it into words.