Open Eyes...I hear what you are saying, but the message that comes from what you say is that what my brother went through had more of an impact on him than what I went through. You are trying to help me understand him and all of those things you've said I already understand about him. Therefore what I understand from what you've said is that my experiences don't matter and I should focus on understanding my brother.
This is the core issue. I would like him to understand my experiences and understand me.
My brother was mostly protected from the truama of our mother's illness and he had two other parents in his life (who both had alcohol problems).
I was exposed to the truama of our mother's illness from age 1.
Everything you say is about trying to understand him when I would like him to understand me.
The message I get from your words is leave him alone, the poor boy has been through a lot.
Thus...I feel invalidated.
I've been through a lot too and it's always me who helps our mother. He gives me no support. So who am I to him?
Siblings have parents as a common bond. He doesn't talk to his dad and considers his mother not to be his mother. So i guess I'm trying to figure out what I mean to him or what he means to me???
But in a nutshell I think it's too hard to understand anothers pain when they refuse to understand or acknowledge yours.
He thinks i was the chosen one, but i was abandoned on a doorstep at age 1. I was in a kids home at ages 6,7 and 14. I lived with neighbours at age 4 for 6 months. In between those times, i either lived with my mother or my father and from age 10 to 13 lived with them both which was a horrendous time.
My brother had the stability of the same people throughout his life.
And there is the root of the problem again.
I think I resent him for having it better than me and still not being able to understand his parents.
So i resent him for not understanding me or validating what i went through and showing no interest in my life, for judging our parents harshly in front of me, for being abusive because I speak to our father. And for not being able to move on and forgive them or understand them. How on earth can we possibly have a relationship with all that going on????