I'm literally petrified about doing this. So many things have happened this year already, that I'm only going to compound things. I know what to expect too when I tell them I need therapy it's going to be another religious melt-down with the family.....

I'll say "I need to get some help, I want therapy"
They'll say "Only jesus can help you, you need to accept him"

Then that will continue on and on and on and then I'll just try to kill myself again, and end up exactly where I was when I was 17.....

Ugh. I haven't contacted anyone from home in about a week now...my mom keeps sending me emails to call home. But I'm just not in the mood.