Reagon, the way my T explained it to me is: unless i was willing to accept all this bad behavior and be willing to ride him daily to do the most basic of things (rinse your toothbrush, take out the trash, don't go outdoors in your undies, etc) that I should RUN AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. There is no 'dealing with it', there is no medication or CBT to change the behavior.

You can only learn to defend yourself. try looking Here.

I hope this helps - as i'm not so good of a guide. but I will agree with you how scary this is to find in your own house and how it can derail you emotionally to know that a monster like this got so close to your heart, it's like learning you've been married to Dracula! and not been killed (yet).

Do feel free to vent and voice your opinions here - you are helping me to cope (been 3 years now and he's still stalking me) and I'm sure there are others here who will be helped as well.

VoN