I was 9, he was 15. I didn't know him, I'd never seen him before. I later found out that he was a foster child who had a history of sexual assaults, I was his intended victim that day. What I'm wrestling with is whether I knew that it was wrong to go with him or not. I can't remember how I felt then and my T wants me to think like a 9 year old so that I can stop blaming myself for it. If I knew it was wrong to go with him yet I did it anyway, then I could've prevented it by not going. Am I making any sense?

And if I am not responsible in any way, shape or form, how do I erase that thought from my mind that I have carried for many years?

I just don't know how to deal with this.

Note: I do know that even though my parents never charged him (that's a whole other issue I'm having to deal with) that he very soon after my *incident*, raped another girl and was serving time in jail for that one. Now, had my parents charged him, that other girl would've been spared her trauma and for that I feel guilty.

I also feel ashamed of the whole thing. My T said I have nothing to be ashamed about. Isn't feelings of shame normal for a victim, right or wrong?

How do I stop my feelings of shame, guilt and blame? When you carry those feelings for years, you just can't forget them all in one day because somebody tells you they are misplaced, or at least I don't know how.