@WovenGalaxy, I think that you are a caring nice person at your core. It is most likely the codependant part of you that experiences the guilt and that maybe you should give up your boundaries and let him in.

The thing about evil as is shown in so many scary stories is that it can only get in when you INVITE it in. When we are young our parents tell us to beware of strangers offering candy. What this means is that toxic people ALWAYS develop ways to get you to LET THEM IN. For example, when I look at my inbox for my emails one thing I do get a lot of is emails from so called psychics and fortune tellers and tarot card readers. I click on them not to use them but to see what they are using to get me to LET THEM IN. These individuals have learned how to PROFIT from what might be whatever is challenging you and they put a lot of effort into presenting something that may fit with you and then once you open the email they tell you something and then they tell you they can help you and how important it is for YOU to let them help you. They want you to PAY them, and the only way they can do that is IF YOU LET THEM IN.

The other night I watched a documentary about one of the worst serial killers that ever existed. This individual was even a contestant on The Dating Game and he was so charming he won. He was also good looking, yet, he tortured and murdered many women and one of his victims that survived was only eight years old. This horrible human being learned how to convince women he was nice and he could charm them and they all LET HIM IN. He killed them all. These individuals are often very intelligent, when they were searching for him once they learned his identity they went to talk to the teachers at the college he went to and the teachers talked about how smart he was and good natured he was and said he would not harm a fly. So these individuals can present others with a personality that comes across as very charming because they have to be that way in order to get their victims to LET THEM IN.

When you come across someone online they too will do and say things to get you to "let them in" for whatever they need of you. This type of individual already knows how to pick their victims. Just like these individuals who send me emails that tell me they care and can see I am suffering or am in danger and if I LET THEM IN they can cast a spell or tell me how to prevent whatever danger or even some special person that wants to be a part of my life that I need their help with paying attention to.

So when you do let anyone in and things get strange and you pull back, you do not OWE THEM anything. You do not have to "try to understand him" nor do you have to save or care about him. It's ok to SAY NO and decide NOT TO LET THEM IN.

Now that so many engage online with dating sites and even support sites like this one, these tend to be places toxic individuals or disordered individuals also engage. A site like this can be trolled by individuals looking for a certain kind of "ego fix". While it may seem someone is here for you, truth is they are here for themselves. It's very similar to all these emails I get from tarot card readers and fortune tellers and psychics.

It's OK to be suspicious and guarded and to even distance from "drama" that is often created by individuals that NEED people to join them while they satisfy their need for attention. These are typically individuals that are ok with reinventing themselves due to distancing from an identity they formed that did not work for them in some way. This takes place even on dating sites or often these tarot card or psychics have more than one ID where they pick out things that you may need that will work so you INVITE THEM IN. These type of individuals are only engaging to fill their own needs, and to get you or others to engage and LET THEM IN. Sometimes a person will change their identity on a dating site too. They never really do meet you in person either.

Bottom line Woven is it's ok to say "no you can't come in" to anyone that feels off to you. You do not have to feel you did anything wrong either. You tend to care and don't want to cause harm, and you have been hurt so you don't care to hurt others the way you were hurt and you are conscientious. It important to decide that you don't have to figure out this other person's needs or problems. It's ok to decide to shut them out and not invite them in.