Quote:
Originally Posted by KLL85
I met with a potential new T today and there were a few things that he said that makes me think he isn’t going to be a good match. One of the things related to unconditional positive regard. I told him that due to previous bad experiences with Ts I find it very difficult to trust and be vulnerable due to fear of judgement, rejection etc etc. He then mentioned that it was his job to practice unconditional positive regard during sessions.
|
UPR should be a basic attitude towards T's clients. Perfectly fine disclosure from T.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KLL85
I responded that it’s hard for me to believe that is possible and that after sessions I get paranoid that Ts will think badly of me and moan to their supervisor about what an awful client I am. He then said that it didn’t matter what he thought of me outside of those 50 minutes that he spent with me. As long as he showed unconditional positive regard during the sessions his feelings outside of that time were irrelevant as they don’t interfere with the therapy.
|
This was an empathic failure on T's part. T also wanted you to accept his idea of strict boundaries in spite of not being able to connect with your need to be accepted.
At the very best I can imagine this was a clumsy attempt as providing insight about it's best to concentrate on the 50 minutes where you can actually experience T's unconditional positive regard. So clumsy, indeed it makes me feel weird to stop writing, so I would like to add it's probably what T would want from a therapeutic situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KLL85
I found this quite hard to process, like he was basically saying he could think I was the worst and most annoying client in the world but as long as he didn’t show that during the sessions and pretends he has unconditional positive regard when he is with me then that was ok. Is this really how that is supposed to work?!
|
For me it would have been disturbing. And if it disturbs you too, then you two are probably not a good fit. A good fit shows in the first couple of sessions. If it disturbed you to a degree that you've posted about it here, it might be best for you - and your T - to part ways.