It's very hard to change the template, takes a long time and lots of mistakes. Also, it's not just you... why do men (in particular but not exclusively) behave this way? Doesn't it make you rage? I hope you find what you're looking for.

I've been wondering about whether therapy or the therapeutic relationship changes the 'template'. I think it's possible. I also sometimes wonder whether I've picked a therapist who falls into my standard/old way of relating. Maybe it's more likely that my self worth has been repaired enough to change my pattern, hopefully anyway. I still end up being drawn towards narcs or unrequited crushes.... so who knows. The dating scene looks dire, maybe better to get a dog?!?!