Lots of thoughts plage my head. If it isn't one thing it's another. I've been abused and bullied most my childhood and teen years. On top of it... mental illness. I don't want to be pitied... I want to be known as strong. I've been sexually abused from around the age of 2 up until I was 7... It was bad... My first memory of it was when I was 3... I remember telling my mom that it hurt but probably didn't know what I was talking about... Then I remember having thoughts of stabbing my moms ex boyfriend when I was like 5 or 6 years old... He beat on my dog. He and my mom would get into fights and at times physical while I hide in my room. I had nightmares of sexually abused when going to bed as a kid when it was happening. I know one thing though... when I first started my period at the age of 12 1/2 I hid my bloody underwear. It triggered something in me from when I was younger... he raped me and I'd hide my bloody underwear so when my period started I tried hiding it like I did as a kid... (sorry if it's tmi). This is probably why I see spirits of little kids sometimes who are all bloodied and bruised... They are attracted to me. they tell me to help them but sadly I can't. It's scary.... the visions the voices of spirits. if they're not insulting me they're asking me for help. I try to put my trauma aside but this doesn't help. I'm a little girl in my head asking for mommy when mommy can't save them. I'm helpless and hopeless. I love you mom...